Courtney Anne
Thirty. The big 30. The year that everyone always says you should have achieved certain things by. A supposed marker for real adulthood, where all of a sudden if you haven’t achieved these societal expectations you must be…dun dun dun…behind. With thirty right around the corner I have been thinking a lot about the goals younger Courtney had set for herself to achieve by thirty. I have to say, younger Courtney thought a lot of herself. In my early 20s I was sure that by this age I would be a diplomat, have a life partner, be a mother, have a doctorate, and about a million more things that today seem as likely as my childhood dream of becoming a mermaid ballerina.
My younger self was wrong, and that’s okay. As I’ve gotten older the reality of some of these goals has caused me to reevaluate timelines, narrow my priorities, and honestly…think about which of these goals are actually important to me, and which were based more on external pressures. A lot has changed in my 20s. I’ve changed. In many ways, the world has changed. Likewise, so have some of my goals. So here are 6 things I won’t achieve by thirty.
- I won’t see all seven modern Wonders of the World.
This was a big goal for me in my early 20s. Actually, if I think about it, it was really the only concrete goal I had for myself in my 20s. I wanted to see all 7 modern Wonders of the World by thirty, so that I could start with the remaining ancient Wonders of the World by forty. However, as my mid-20s approached and other things came up in my life, I pretty quickly realized that this deadline would need to be adjusted. Today I’m okay with that, because I know I’ll get there someday and that the things I did instead were the right choices for me at that time. My priorities just changed.
- I won’t own a house.
This one feels like one of those goals people are always saying you should have achieved by thirty, but it was never really a goal of mine. I just assumed it would happen because it seemed like an “adulty” thing to do. But honestly, it’s not something I’m at all interested in. Maybe that will change one of these days. Maybe one day I’ll want to live in one place long enough to make that kind of commitment. But as a minimalist, right now I can’t imagine needing that much space anytime soon, and I don’t know if owning a house will ever really be right for me.
- I won’t be a mom.
The amount of times people have told me they are “concerned about my eggs” in the last few years have exponentially increased as this birthday has approached, which is frustrating (and extremely inappropriate) to say the least. I do want children someday, however I’m not in any hurry. And if that statement makes you want to tell me all the reasons I should be worried about having children in my 30s, please don’t.
- I won’t be acne free.
But seriously, what is with that?!?!?!? I don’t know about you, but adult acne is SO real for me. Wasn’t this supposed to go away in adulthood? Honestly, at 29 my acne has been worse than it was throughout the rest of my 20s. Granted, I did change my entire routine this year to switch to non-toxic products, and 2020 has been especially stressful, but sometimes it feels like I might just have acne when I’m ninety. Whatever.
- I won’t be married.
Apparently even in 2020 some people still think we are supposed to be married by thirty, which honestly blows my mind. Even as a child I never thought I’d be married by thirty. Marriage is something that is so personal, so I’m not sure why we put these arbitrary deadlines on ourselves. For those of you who are married and love it, that’s amazing! Good for you! But honestly, I don’t know if it’s even right for me yet. Maybe that will change one day. Or maybe not. But I definitely won’t figure it out by thirty.
- I won’t get my PhD.
I always thought I would be a doctor. Always. Sometimes I still think I might become one one of these days. So yes, Dr. Courtney might make her appearance someday, but not for a while. And while I am a little self conscious about the idea of being an older student, there are financial realities that have to take precedence right now, because #adulting #studentloans.
There are a lot of things I won’t achieve by thirty. Some of them are things that I had wanted to do, and some of them are things that the world likes to tell us we are supposed to do. But do you know what I did accomplish by thirty? I have moved to a new city 9 times. I graduated with a Masters degree and found a job that makes a meaningful difference. I helped plan 4 weddings, became a non-biological aunt to 8 beautiful babies, rode a horse (not very well, but I did it), and I traveled abroad twelve times. I conquered fears (and developed new ones). I learned French. I forgot French. I learned French again. I forgot it again, and so I expect the cycle will continue until I move somewhere I can use it more often. I have learned from Indigenous people in Chile, skinny dipped in Jamaica, swam with sea turtles in Costa Rica, and danced at a traditional wedding in India. I learned strategies to manage my anxiety, to deal with conflict, and to stand up for myself. I attended 13 music festivals (which would have been 15 music festivals if it weren’t for COVID-19). Lastly, I made countless friends and built a massive network of some of this planet’s most amazing humans.
So while I haven’t achieved all of the goals I had planned, I’ve done a lot of other things I never would have expected by thirty. I may never become a mermaid ballerina, so I might just have to try underwater dance one of these years instead. I’m proud of all I accomplished in my 20s, and I’m confident that I have countless more adventures ahead. So bring it thirty! Me and my slightly more achy body are ready for you.
